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Eating out has become a huge burden. There's almost always something haram in the mix, regardless if we're talking about sweets or savories. Vegetarian options are out of the question too. They make them in the same recipients, with the same greasy tools. I don't even bother trying alternatives anymore. I'm literally done!
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Halal meat, apart from fish, is non-existent in my area. That makes nearly everything I grew up eating haram (most dishes involve animal products in a way or another). I'm not going to slaughter anything myself while there are I don't even know how many shops scattered around the city that have done it for everybody else. Too much time for something that shouldn't really be that complicated.
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Going to the grocery store is also no longer as exciting. If I don't read label by label, I'm bound to get back home carrying something that probably has that one ingredient to spoil my whole day.
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Cosmetics? I miss buying these without worrying about what's in their formula. Similar to snacks, lots and lots of them are full of forbidden ingredients. So much so that I have to be careful with even freaking toothpaste! Toothpaste! I'm having to make my own now. I'm just TIRED of reading those d%% labels and searching the web over and over again.
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Using the bathroom is another burden. What used to take me seconds to finish, now takes up to several minutes — if not hours. Keeping yourself AND your clothes 100% pure so your salat won't be invalidated, ESPECIALLY IN A COLD WEATHER, is not easy. I can't even fart without feeling guilty anymore. If sexual desires pop up, oh boy, then it becomes a nightmare. Ghusl takes way too long.
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I've grown to DREAD interacting with my family's dog (he's been with us for over ten years now). I'm TIRED of having to deal with that saliva problem.
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Getting a good-paying 100% HALAL job is also a challenge. The food industry is filled with alchool and pork. Banks, retail and real estate deal with riba all the time. Going to college to get more qualifications also involves riba. For the most part, when these are not an issue, there's music or mixing of some sort. Did I forget to mention how many companies won't let you keep a long beard? That too. They can usually feel not ok with you praying as well.
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Moving out of my parents's would also involve riba, because of the rent contract. Getting any kind of insurance (which are, by the way, required in a lot of places) is considered gambling. There are no other Muslims here. I'm the only one. Having a non-muslim family is enough trouble as it is, and going for local friends is not an option either — you just CAN'T keep up with their activities without falling into haram.
Honestly, I feel like I should run into the woods and become a hermit (or remain in the city and become the garbage man, who knows?). I'm already more isolated than I've ever been. My diet is flat out bland (but alhamdulillah for what I can still have. I know it could be worse), and my social life doesn't go anywhere beyond a screen.
Burn out. That's what it feels like. Do you know what's even more suffocating? Ending it all (a.k.a. suicide) or even asking Allah SWT to get it over with is al another BIG NO. Sometimes I wish I could just drop dead...
I NEED HELP!
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