salam, so i was wondering how do people of knowledge make time for stuff? i'm slowly getting to grips with my deen again on a very deep level but everything i used to love doing as an ex muslim doesn't feel good anymore, like i have literally no interest in it and its affected my friend circles and life a lot. i have 1 friend left.
for example i have 0 interest in haram rships now, not nice to deal with as my ex partner had to come to terms with but now my family are concerned because i keep saying i have no time for a wife right now. i don't know when i will, i'm getting older but i have so much catching up to do. im not ancient or something but you know how asian families are with the whole expiry date thing.
they want me to have a nice muslim wife, remember for them i was in utter disbeleif for YEARS now all of a sudden im on th path more than them, theyre getting a bit over excited, well my mum is understandabl. but i literally know i can't do justice to someone right now i have too many plans. i need more knowledge on this deen, i feel i could help others like me that left with so much confusion in their hearts. i have a skillset that could benefit non muslims and muslims alike, those struggling with the deen and those not, i just wanna help but i can't deal with the thought of a wife right now. how do scholars do it, how do people even have the ability to do justice to them, its awesome they do but im not there.
i used to do a looooooooooooot of other haram things but now i feel nothing if i try to do them or even go near them. nothing feels like it used to, i thought i was depression but its not, im not actually sad im just drained, my whole life is changing so much so fast, but i dont know how to slow down, i need more knowledge but i dont know where to look. i have 1 muslim "friend" whos pretty much a standard cultural muslim and where i live there is too much sectarianism and cult like mentalities.
ive smashed through learning the quran for example and it takes a lot out of my day but i can only get lessons to learn its meanings once a week. ive come back into islam for like a week but i want to make up so badly the last 10 years, i didnt know how beautiful this deen was, its so simple and pure, its so cool. i cant believe i used to think the horrible things about the man that brought this deen to us, i feel so guilty now because things make more sense. my lense of life has changed so dramatically its insane.
im forcing myself to do worldly things but i feel nothing with them, i only feel anything with my head is on the floor, praying to what created me, i only feel anything when i recite the words that creator shared with me but i feel sad i dont understand them, i know next to nothing about the man that brought this way of life to us, ive wasted so much of my life chasing after this world and being brainwashed into what i thought islam must be and gained so much but i dont care for any of it anymore.
[link] [comments]
from Islam https://ift.tt/2ruLNPB
No comments:
Post a Comment