Calling my family back to islam not going well. Am I repenting properly? and am I annoying Allāh? So many questions!

Okay hey.... I need some serious advice! I’ve posted before but it got ignored so I removed it...

Overall questions I want advice/answers to:-

Q1) Does Allāh still punish you in Hell even after you’ve truly and properly repented in this life, and He forgives all your sins? Like, do you still receive a punishment for those sins, even though you’ve been forgiven?

Q2) Why do I cry over my sins and the fact that I’ve ruined my life when I think about the things I have done, but when I talk to Allāh about the sins I feel emotionally numb?

Q3) Am I allowed to talk to Allāh about anything? I talk to Him about everything, like people at work who are rude. Just whatever is bothering me or whatever I’m happy about because I have developed a HUGE amount of trust in Him, but is this allowed? After Maghrib, I will talk and talk and talk then the next thing I know the Adhaan for Isha goes off. Am I annoying him? I have nobody else to talk to about these things and I really only want to talk to Him. I get excited for Zuhr when I’m in work... it’s like I can’t wait to be alone so it’s just me and Him.

Q7) I ask for forgiveness, Sabr, guidance, light in my heart, to be guided away from hypocrisy and ignorance. Am I doing this right? Please someone correct me.

Q4) How do I encourage my family to pray and repent before it gets too late? I already make dua to Allāh that He guides them before taking them back. Should I leave this to Him now? Or still encourage, but I don’t want them to get annoyed with me ?

Q5) I have no urge to listen to music, I only want to hear the Quran being recited and that’s all that goes through my mind (Favourite is currently Muhamad Saleh Nafea’s recitation of Surah Nuh), certain “desires” have been repressed... Is Allāh guiding me? Would He guide someone like me, who has sinned so terribly?

Q6) I knew one of two muslim boys who died in a car crush whilst intoxicated with alcohol, can I pray for both of them? Give charity in their name? Beg for their forgiveness?

So, I’ve (25/F) sinned.... horrifically. Like, really bad. Well one day a few weeks ago I felt the urge to get up and pray. Up until that point I had been watching islamic videos and listening to Quran recitations. So there was some tugs but this one was huge.

I’ve been okay so far... I will pray Zuhr in work and not care if anybody walks by the room and sees, which is something I have always used as an excuse not to pray... I asked Allāh to give me confidence to pray in public in a dua, I guess this worked? I slept through my alarm twice for fajr and both times I was angry with myself and kinda cried.

I’m not perfect or a good muslim woman. I know this. But after praying, reading Quran, researching Islam and really delving into it, I look at this life differently. It feels so surreal and temporary. Before I was just taking every day as it is, now I feel... strange and out of place? I can’t explain it.

Sorry for rambling. Basically I’ve been trying to encourage my family to pray. I make dua to Allāh and beg He guides them before it’s too late. The only person I know in my family who still prays and is really religious is my grandfather. He goes to the mosque for all 5 prayers. Nobody else bothers, and I was in that same state.

Now I would like for us all to pray together, as a family. To worship and praise Allāh with my mother and sisters is something I dream of! I was trying to encourage them, repent and maybe if we prayed our lives would be better. My mother and older sister said to me, “you still get punished” I asked “even after truly repenting? But Allāh tells us he is the most merciful and most forgiving?” my sister said “yes, you will still get punished” and my mother agreed. Is this the case? Thing is, my mum used to pray 5 times, and after being in an abusive relationship she stopped. She never really taught us much about Islam either, but she knows so much it shocks me. They still believe but I’m scared for them and for myself.

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The poem attributed to making Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal cry

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Better to transition to Sunni or Shi'a?

So I'm curious to know what other people think on this. Considering how... un-Islamic certain Isma'ili beliefs are, is it better to go Sunni or real Shi'a? I would largely rule out Ibadis and Zaydis since they are non-existent where I live, and probably Salafis as well since they tend to leave a bad taste in my mouth. Honestly the Sunnis seem like the best bet, if only because of how numerous they are and I do have some Sunni relatives I could probably try to contact and learn from (though I don't know how religious they are or if they'd even talk to me). But honestly it's also so different. While I like the Ithna'ashari they don't have as much in the way of resources, and even if I do consider myself Shi'a I feel like I'd basically be re-learning a lot of things. On the other hand, the Shi'a I've met haven't been as racially exclusive, which is good. The downside is they are also mostly Indian. If the local JK doesn't accept me because I'm not Indian then should I expect the same from the Shi'a as well? Maybe I'll get lucky and find an Iranian or Lebanese masjid.

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Question about Allah's will

Salaam,

I am having a lot of trouble in life right now and need some clarification. To give some background, I have severe depression which I have a psychiatrist (muslim) for and I take medication for. I believe that this depression is a test for me, and that no matter what, something good will come out of it, whether it be in this life, or this test will get me into Jannah iA. Now, onto the major problem...

I was in a relationship with a potential spouse. She was amazing. But, my parents forced us to end the relationship because my parents did not like her. I don't want to go into too much detail and dwell on small things. My question is:

I do know that we have free will, and Allah gives us choices for what we can do. For example, my parents could've accepted this and simply disapproved on the sidelines like they had been doing before, but they decided to intervene. This girl is not coming back. She's made that clear. The fact that she is not coming back, does that mean she and I would have never been married? I know that if something is meant for you, nothing can avoid it from getting to you, and if something is not meant for you, then nothing can make it come to you. Maybe because my parents did this, this is a test for me, and I was never meant to be with her. My depression is making this a lot harder than it should be. So is it true that she and I would have ended some other way if my parents did not do this, or would I have been able to marry her?

Jazakallah khair

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