Hello, and Salam to everyone here. I am currently stuck in a dilemma where I can go to a Muslim funeral and feel guilty, or not go there and give everyone one more reason to hate me.
To give some context, I left Islam in my early 20s (2007ish) after learning a few things about the religion, especially that I can never have a girlfriend and expect to go to heaven. That lead me to explore other things and eventually I came to a realization Islam isn't for me. I consulted with my imam who then informed my family without my consent.
With that, my family and I got into a pretty big argument and I thought it would be best if we cut ties to prevent this situation from becoming cancerous (this took place after 1 whole year of constant fights, crying, etc).
Now unfortunately my dad passed away that same week this took place. I was asked by the imam via text to stay away from the mosque and I did. Who the hell wants trouble....esp in a death situation....
Fast forward to now 10 years later, my mother has passed away some time 2 weeks ago. The imam since then moved to a different mosque, but my extended family asked to come to the fineral. I am paying for all funeral costs via a proxy "Generous Donor" at the mosque.
Here is my dillema: I can go there (extremely haram as I have been told as a non Muslim), or I can just not show up which will make them hate me more. If I go there, I will feel guilty as hell forever for making people do nice things for me that I don't deserve such as praying and taking their valuable time.
I really need advice on what to do here, as I am lost. Please, no suggestions for coming back to Iskam, it's not meant for me. Thank you.
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from Islam http://ift.tt/2ItX3TS
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